Keep it simple

I am the Queen of awkward conversation.

After four years of returning home for holiday breaks, I’ve perfected the art of a plastered smile, a fake laugh and an unnoticeable escape.

As a result, I’ve never held the “how’s college/what’s your major/what are you doing now” conversation for longer than 15 minutes.

Until Wednesday night.

The night before Thanksgiving, anyone who ever graduated from my high school crams into my local bar like sardines and pretends to care about the updated status of everyone else’s lives.

I begrudging attended and thought that, by standing in the corner, my four friends and I would be able to remain hidden while still having a full view of the bar.

I was wrong.

Within seconds I had been targeted.

“Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!!!!!!” A blond barbie-doll that I’d known in high school screeched.

She looked exactaly the same as she did when we graduated. Stick thin, bleach blond hair, perfect teeth. And was just as interesting.

“So, do you know how much cheaper it is to get your hair done on The Cape?”
For those who don’t speak snob, The Cape, is Cape Cod — her family has a house there. Of course.

“I totally got this jacket a T.J. Maxx. For like 20 bucks. I mean, how cheap is that?”

Well, I consider any form of clothes shopping a luxury, so…no, that’s not that cheap.
“I totally had a great internship at Johnson and Johnson this summer.”

Newsflash: we live five minutes from J&J headquarters. A lot of people have internships there.

And on and on it went. For 45 minutes! I couldn’t escape. I was stuck.
Long story short, because, trust me, I don’t want to put you through the same torture, I didn’t need to know her whole life story.

After that, the “how’s college/what’s your major/what are you doing now” conversation seemed like music to my ears.